Thursday, March 14, 2002
I am currently in the middle of a coughing fit. One that is racking my face! I also have the tickle from hell that is making my eyes water. Not just water, but FLOW. Ugh. Cigarettes, the gift that keeps on givin.
It is so beautiful outside. It's funny, well not really funny, but....funny how I think that my moods are soley based on the sun. If it is rainy and discusting, I am miserable. Am I bi-polar? Is that the disease where your moods are governed by the weather? No. That disease is called bullshit. But nonetheless I have a horrible case of the bullshits.
Finally. Coughing fit over. Phew - that was a close one.
I feel good today. Probably cuz the weekend is rearing its' beautiful head. Come to me weekend. CUM TO ME.
Tomorrow night, Rita and Kelly and I will be going out for what we are calling: "The White Trash Adventure." We are going on a budget of $50, not a dollar more. Cheap dinner, cheap drinks, and cheap attitudes. Attitudes = me sucking a dick in the bathroom of the restaurant we go to. Hey! If the dick fits, suck it.
Saturday night, Rita is going to visit her sister Jeannie. If you want to know who Jeannie really is, you should go to my links page and check her out. She is a fantastic girl that is getting married on November 9th. God. What am I going to wear? I have ACTUALLY never been to a wedding for a friend of mine. I have been to two weddings in my life and both times I barely knew the people. Kind of excited!!!!
I spoke with my dad and mom last night. It was a great conversation. I was only dreading calling them because I miss them so much. They live all the way in Albany and I live all the way in NYC. Ok...it could be totally worse. Reets' parents live in Germany. Damn Germans. Taking away everyone we love.
Since I was in highschool...I have developed this overwhelming paranoia that my parents are gonig to die suddenly and leave me alone on the cold, hurtful earth. I picture them being diagnosed with lung cancer and making it 3 months before they are ripped out of my life. Rita and Kelly tell me over and over that this isn't going to happen and that I really just need to let it go. "They've got years to live", they say. I just nod and try to do my best to block it from my mind. All I can think of is that I had the same massive anxiety about my grandmother dying suddenly and leaving me alone. Then she did die about 6 months after I developed this fear. I still haven't found a way to be positive about her death. So I am just worried. Do I spend my life with them, making memories? Or do I move here to NYC and selfishly pursue the movie star dream? Gosh. Tough decision. But I have obvioulsy already made up my mind. I live in NYC and not Albany. So sometimes, when I miss them a whole lot, I avoid the phone cuz I know it will bring me down.
They are planning a visit next weekend. They love to come down to my apartment, hang with my friends, drink tons of beer/wine and smoke some bowls. My mom actually sits in a room with my friends and gets stoned. She loves it. And I love her for loving it. She's adorable. And I hope she brings pot when she comes, cuz I am out!
So, as I was saying, before I was rudely interrupted by my need to explain other things, Rita is going to visit Jeannie this Saturday to look at wedding dresses for the big day. Kelly has to work Saturday night and I will be home all alone. I LOVE THAT! It never happens. Never. And I will get to walk around naked, play with myself on the couch, and eat whatever the fuck I want. Ok...like I couldn't eat what I wanted on days when they are home. But it will fun to eat naked while playing myself. And that's the whole point, isn't it?
So, tonight, Rita and I go to Penelope's to have a couple drinks with her. I hope she is holding herself together. I read her blogger this morning, and my tears flowed directly onto my keyboard. It was so heartfelt, touching, and awful. I am sorry Penelope that you have to deal with this shit. It isn't fair and it isn't cool. My heart is with you.
Kelly wrote a pretty incredible entry in her diary last night. I told her that she should try writing more about how she feels and less about a recap of her day. Not that recaps aren't so fun! Really, it's the only way we (Rita and I) can keep in touch with her. But I want her to be able to use her diary as a sort of release as well. She is in this phase (most likely the Robot mode that Rita is always talking about) that causes her to not feel anything at all. Kelly is someone that is just naturally so sensitive and now, she is like a rock! She has had to pick up her pieces all by herself lately and she is doing a fine job. She seems in excellent spirits, and I am proud of her. It will all balance out for her eventually, but to be honest...I don't think she could get through this semster if it weren't for this robot mode that she is in. It is keeping her going to work, going to school, and going to class. And she will collapse on the last day of school, only to realize that she accomplished EVERYTHING and is actually GRADUATING! What an amazing time that is going to be. OH! GOSH! I just can't wait. I will finally have all of my friends out of college. I feel like she and I went through this same thing, only four years ago, when she graduated highschool.
Alright, I have been at work for an hour and a half already and I have done NOTHING in the form of work.
Well, not true. If you count 45 minutes of endless writing in my bloggle work, then I will be promoted by the end of the day.
Hey Edward. You still there and reading? I will do a full entry about you soon. Stay with me bud. I miss you and love you.
It is so beautiful outside. It's funny, well not really funny, but....funny how I think that my moods are soley based on the sun. If it is rainy and discusting, I am miserable. Am I bi-polar? Is that the disease where your moods are governed by the weather? No. That disease is called bullshit. But nonetheless I have a horrible case of the bullshits.
Finally. Coughing fit over. Phew - that was a close one.
I feel good today. Probably cuz the weekend is rearing its' beautiful head. Come to me weekend. CUM TO ME.
Tomorrow night, Rita and Kelly and I will be going out for what we are calling: "The White Trash Adventure." We are going on a budget of $50, not a dollar more. Cheap dinner, cheap drinks, and cheap attitudes. Attitudes = me sucking a dick in the bathroom of the restaurant we go to. Hey! If the dick fits, suck it.
Saturday night, Rita is going to visit her sister Jeannie. If you want to know who Jeannie really is, you should go to my links page and check her out. She is a fantastic girl that is getting married on November 9th. God. What am I going to wear? I have ACTUALLY never been to a wedding for a friend of mine. I have been to two weddings in my life and both times I barely knew the people. Kind of excited!!!!
I spoke with my dad and mom last night. It was a great conversation. I was only dreading calling them because I miss them so much. They live all the way in Albany and I live all the way in NYC. Ok...it could be totally worse. Reets' parents live in Germany. Damn Germans. Taking away everyone we love.
Since I was in highschool...I have developed this overwhelming paranoia that my parents are gonig to die suddenly and leave me alone on the cold, hurtful earth. I picture them being diagnosed with lung cancer and making it 3 months before they are ripped out of my life. Rita and Kelly tell me over and over that this isn't going to happen and that I really just need to let it go. "They've got years to live", they say. I just nod and try to do my best to block it from my mind. All I can think of is that I had the same massive anxiety about my grandmother dying suddenly and leaving me alone. Then she did die about 6 months after I developed this fear. I still haven't found a way to be positive about her death. So I am just worried. Do I spend my life with them, making memories? Or do I move here to NYC and selfishly pursue the movie star dream? Gosh. Tough decision. But I have obvioulsy already made up my mind. I live in NYC and not Albany. So sometimes, when I miss them a whole lot, I avoid the phone cuz I know it will bring me down.
They are planning a visit next weekend. They love to come down to my apartment, hang with my friends, drink tons of beer/wine and smoke some bowls. My mom actually sits in a room with my friends and gets stoned. She loves it. And I love her for loving it. She's adorable. And I hope she brings pot when she comes, cuz I am out!
So, as I was saying, before I was rudely interrupted by my need to explain other things, Rita is going to visit Jeannie this Saturday to look at wedding dresses for the big day. Kelly has to work Saturday night and I will be home all alone. I LOVE THAT! It never happens. Never. And I will get to walk around naked, play with myself on the couch, and eat whatever the fuck I want. Ok...like I couldn't eat what I wanted on days when they are home. But it will fun to eat naked while playing myself. And that's the whole point, isn't it?
So, tonight, Rita and I go to Penelope's to have a couple drinks with her. I hope she is holding herself together. I read her blogger this morning, and my tears flowed directly onto my keyboard. It was so heartfelt, touching, and awful. I am sorry Penelope that you have to deal with this shit. It isn't fair and it isn't cool. My heart is with you.
Kelly wrote a pretty incredible entry in her diary last night. I told her that she should try writing more about how she feels and less about a recap of her day. Not that recaps aren't so fun! Really, it's the only way we (Rita and I) can keep in touch with her. But I want her to be able to use her diary as a sort of release as well. She is in this phase (most likely the Robot mode that Rita is always talking about) that causes her to not feel anything at all. Kelly is someone that is just naturally so sensitive and now, she is like a rock! She has had to pick up her pieces all by herself lately and she is doing a fine job. She seems in excellent spirits, and I am proud of her. It will all balance out for her eventually, but to be honest...I don't think she could get through this semster if it weren't for this robot mode that she is in. It is keeping her going to work, going to school, and going to class. And she will collapse on the last day of school, only to realize that she accomplished EVERYTHING and is actually GRADUATING! What an amazing time that is going to be. OH! GOSH! I just can't wait. I will finally have all of my friends out of college. I feel like she and I went through this same thing, only four years ago, when she graduated highschool.
Alright, I have been at work for an hour and a half already and I have done NOTHING in the form of work.
Well, not true. If you count 45 minutes of endless writing in my bloggle work, then I will be promoted by the end of the day.
Hey Edward. You still there and reading? I will do a full entry about you soon. Stay with me bud. I miss you and love you.
